Marital Bliss: Is Monogamy Necessary?
Open relationships are so hot right now. However you dice it— However you dice it—polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, and swinging are all alternative approaches to traditional relationship architecture. Or are they?
It’s nearly impossible to pinpoint nearly impossible to pinpoint the start of a cultural start of a cultural evolution. According to some sources, actual, literal Pilgrims actual, literal Pilgrims during the Colonial era were happily swapping partners. Other accounts claim swinging originated in California in the 1950s among Air Force officers. Still others are
convinced it, in fact, developed during the sexual revolution of the 1960s—coinciding with the introduction of the contraceptive pill and treatments for STIs.
The pineapple, long known as a symbol of welcome, was turned on its head in the ‘60s and ‘70s to indicate a welcome of a different kind. Arguably, a much more fun kind. And like any good secret society, swingers have adopted the upside-down pineapple as a symbol to alert others to their sexual preferences. Basically, cum on in!
The curious and the bold have been exploring unconventional overtures for decades if not centuries. Nonmonogamy is nothing new. So why is it so taboo?
Happily Married, Child-Free, and on the Hunt for a Unicorn
Tom and Christina have been married since 2014. The idea of opening their marriage all began when Christina wanted to explore her bisexual side more than hetero marriages traditionally allowed. Her husband Tom, a supportive partner and deeply in love, consented.
Christina’s bisexuality was the gateway drug (if you will) to the couple eventually getting neck deep in the lifestyle. Opening their marriage was not a hail-mary attempt at saving a relationship in its death throes, on the contrary, it was a journey born out of love, mutual respect, and the straight-up pursuit of mind-altering sex. Armed with good intentions and a raging sense of . . . adventure . . . they started exploring different partners and different approaches to, essentially, sex.
“What idiot man doesn’t want a threesome with two beautiful women?”
“But we’re not just horny f-cks looking to screw around,” Tom adds. “We want to make sure that we do things right. Ethical swinging isn’t just about getting our rocks off; it’s about transparency, consent, trust, and ensuring that all parties involved are willing, informed, and ready.”
There’s an App for That
The couple eventually decided to take it deeper. But how do you find willing partners? Walking up to someone and asking, “Hey, want to f-ck me and my husband?” isn’t exactly a viable option. Enter SwingLifestyle.com, the world’s largest swinger community and an app dedicated to connecting like-minded individuals. But finding a unicorn—single women interested in couples—proved more elusive than a perfect Tinder date, or, hear me out, a unicorn.
After a few disheartening attempts and a global pandemic that put a damper on things, Tom and Christina decided to try their luck with couples.
They found a match in their state, but five agonizing hours away. But swingers are, if nothing else, tenacious. Their new friends drove these five hours just for a chance to mix things up, and a few drinks later, things (i.e., people) were definitely mixed up. Leading into the interaction, Tom was a little trepidatious, but surprisingly, the presence of another guy wasn’t as awkward as he had feared. In fact, it turned out to be pretty great.
“One of our favorite, and unexpected, aspects of being with other people is the absolute raw, primal energy we have with each other once me and my wife debrief and reconnect after playtime is over,” Tom added. “We can’t keep our hands off each other.”
Friends with Benefits
Ideally, the couple aims to establish a small, close-knit group of friends with benefits to create a kind of socio-sexual kinky network. They want partners who can be friends in “vanilla” settings—think paddling down a river or grabbing a drink—while also indulging in the occasional romp. But reality often has other plans; scheduling conflicts and mismatched expectations sometimes get in the way. Despite the challenges, they still cherish the connections they make, even if the benefits sometimes outnumber the friends.
As they explore these depths more and more, swinger-only cruises and resorts like the aptly named Secrets, Hedonism, and Desire become tempting destinations. Carnival Cruise Lines, for example, offers swinger-exclusive cruises with playrooms and mingling-focused poolside events. Upside-down pineapples not needed.
Tom and Christina are excited about their future. They look forward to meeting new people and watching their relationship develop even further. For them, swinging has been an awesome, liberating, intense, and insanely gratifying experience.
“My wife is my best friend and my partner for life,” Tom concludes. “I think it’s a testament to our partnership that there has never been any concern of jealousy. Just go enjoy yourself and have fun. See you on the other side.”
