When you’re higher than you planned, paranoia is the real enemy. Five cannabis users share their best techniques for surviving the moment you cross from private to public.
Let’s be honest: nothing ruins a good high faster than the sudden panic of having to interact with the world and pretend you’re sober. Your head floats in slow motion and your movements become a little off-key. After a few puffs, you walk through the door and the lights of the office or the family dinner party feel like the lights of a CIA interrogation room. Suddenly, due to some mental vortex, you’re convinced there’s a huge neon sign flashing across your forehead that reads, “I’m transcendentally stoned.”
But let’s not fall into those traps and take it one step at a time. In an ideal world, we’d be celebrating the expansion of consciousness, the positive health benefits, and a whole host of other things, but as long as the stigma remains, pretending you’re not high becomes a matter of honor and, sometimes, even of professional, marital, or parental survival. Of course, there’s a breaking point that every cannabis user knows all too well: that instant when you cross the threshold from private to public and, between astonishment and paranoia, you realize you’re much higher than you wanted or far more baked than you imagined.
Suddenly, the outside world demands a sobriety that you, at that precise moment, can’t guarantee. Ouch! So, in that scenario, social survival depends on a mix of psychology, methodical performance, and sometimes a little hot sauce or some other gimmick to disguise the situation.
Step one: know where you stand
In fact, Lindsay MaHarry, journalist and cannabis advocate, offers a crystal-clear guide to getting out of this mess: the key is a brutally honest assessment of your own state. For MaHarry, if you’re at a “stratospheric” level, the best thing to do is throw in the towel: it’s over. “No technique will help you,” she states frankly.
“No technique will help you.”
Lindsay MaHarry, journalist and cannabis advocate, on being too high to hide it
After alcohol, weed is the most efficient giveaway on the planet. And listen up: paranoia is the real enemy, not THC. That’s why, if the high is moderate, MaHarry suggests adopting a tactical coolness: treat the situation like that unbearable conversation with someone you don’t like. “Keep a lightly amused smile on your face, and project encouraging yet removed social energy to whoever is filling up the conversation so you don’t have to. Think nodding and saying yeah.”
Zero eye contact
This economy of words is Galileo‘s stronghold, an artist who knows that opening your mouth is, in many cases, detrimental. His golden rule is “zero eye contact.” According to Galileo, the eyes are the map of the crime, and cannabis-induced stuttering is the final giveaway. “The eyes, kid. They never lie,” Tony Montana subtly spits out in the film Scarface. “A sober person stutters and catches themselves, might even make a joke about it. But a stoned stutter makes you sound like you’ve never read a book in your life,” he says. His advice is simple: keep interactions short, to the point, and avoid staring into anyone’s eyes for more than a second.
The enchilada trick
But what happens when your body betrays you? Luisfer, CEO of Educanna, has turned sensory distraction into a true science. If your eyes are red, forget the eye drops: use the “enchilado trick.” The what now? In those moments, Luisfer usually loads up on spicy food, sauces, and lime in front of everyone so no one questions his watery, irritated eyes. “They think I’m just spiced-out, not stoned,” he confesses. As for smell, no cheap perfumes, no deodorants, nothing at all. Luisfer prefers a grandma’s trick, but with a stoner twist: rubbing his hands with mint, eucalyptus, or rosemary, camouflaging the aroma with natural scents. And that’s it, carry on, nothing to see here.
“They think I’m just spiced-out, not stoned.”
Luisfer, CEO of Educanna, on the enchilada trick
Stay absurdly busy
For others, the best defense is an offense… of productivity. Jerry Chu, stoner chef, dismantles the lazy smoker cliché by using it as a shield. His technique is to stay absurdly busy. If you’re constantly doing things, if you’re the most creative and motivated person in the room, no one will stop to look into your eyes. Efficiency is the perfect camouflage against prejudice. “I love doing everything high, I am very creative, it gives me the motivation to want to do things,” says Jerry, without mincing words, creating a kind of AT Field (like the ones the EVAs use in Neon Genesis Evangelion to defend themselves) against prejudice.
Mimic the sober people
For example, researcher Riley Kirk (@Cannabichem) opts for mimicry: she focuses her attention on a single task and observes those who are sober, imitating their movements, although she admits it’s an uphill battle. “It’s pretty difficult to look like you’re not having fun or like things aren’t funny,” she admits. And she exclaims, “Hopefully someday we’ll never have to hide it!” I hope so too, Riley. I really hope so.
The five techniques, ranked by effort
- Know your level first. If you’re stratospheric, no technique will save you. Accept it and go home. — Lindsay MaHarry
- Zero eye contact, minimum words. Keep it short, keep it moving, never hold a stare. — Galileo
- The enchilada trick. Load up on spicy food so your watery eyes have an alibi. Rub hands with mint or eucalyptus for the smell. — Luisfer, Educanna
- Stay absurdly busy. Be the most productive person in the room. Nobody interrogates the person who’s getting things done. — Jerry Chu
- Mimic the sober people. Pick one task, watch how the straights are behaving, and copy them. — Riley Cannabichem
At the end of the day, concealing is a mental game. And as MaHarry rightly points out, the secret is remembering that no one is analyzing you with the microscope you imagine in your head. Absolutely not. In truth, no one — ever — is judging us as much as we judge ourselves: chillax, man. And just like the most seasoned veterans of the cannabis scene will tell you; your red eyes aren’t the biggest giveaway, it’s your own panic. So if things get tense, remember the old adage: relax and don’t overthink it. The universe is too busy with its own dilemmas to notice you’re on a different wavelength. And if there’s no other option, so be it, let them know, and in that case, let others put on a show.
Your red eyes aren’t the biggest giveaway. It’s your own panic.
<p>The post How to Hide Your High, According to People Who Have It Down to a Science first appeared on High Times.</p>
